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Just Listen
Though the seemingly simple act of communication is as natural to humans as breathing and eating, psychologist Mark Goulston, author of Just Listen, recognizes that oftentimes these vital transactions are met with failure. Whether the task is dealing with a hostile employee, negotiating with an angry spouse, or placating a self-destructing executive, every individual occasionally runs across someone else who is not easily “reachable.” Drawing on a twenty-yearlong career in psychology, Goulston offers simple techniques designed to pull angry, upset, difficult people toward the willing listener rather than push them away. The result is a communications handbook applicable to every sector of adult life, from dealing with friends and business associates, to connecting with lovers, parents, and defiant children. When a person is stressed—frustrated, desperate, upset, or otherwise unbalanced—chemical changes in the brain dictate an animalistic reversion. Higher thinking is thrown out the window as basic instincts (fight or flight) take over. With rational thinking rendered useless, successful communication is difficult if not entirely impossible. According to Goulston, dealing with a stressed individual is like being a hostage negotiator: the individual is being held captive both by their emotions and by a brain attempting to “hijack” reason and rationality. The goal is to move them from no to yes—from being stuck to communicating successfully. This requires walking them through the “Persuasion Cycle,” from resisting to listening, to considering, to willing to do, to doing, and then from doing, to glad they did and continuing to do.
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